Very long since I last blogged

Its been a long time since I last blogged.Been busy with work in a telco company. Will update all when we go for our anniversary celebration this mth.

Stay tuned !!!

Birthday Eve

Tomorrow is my birthday and yet I told her I don't feel like celebrating. It's the first birthday I spent alone. I told her about it last night and she agreed. I don't know why but I just want to be alone for now. Nevertheless, I will still get her a birthday cake 3 days after mine. I think enough harm is done to this relationship. I believe this will all come to an end real soon.

Feeling lost and gone ?

We had a major quarrel a few days back and I think it harmed out relationship ? I'm not sure whether we can weather this thru together. Baby have told me that the love she had for me is lesser than before. I'm not the one she love the most. What does this mean ? Is it all lies when she told me in the beginning that I'm the one she love the most? Is it we are going to break soon but just hanging to it til something happen again ?

I really don't know is she tired of me already as I don't sense her happiness to see me everytime.We behave like those married couple who have already be with each other for 20 or 30 years.

I also don't know is it she doesn't want to go out with me anymore. For the past few weeks, whenever I plan to go out with her, it will never happen. Watch movie on our anniversary ended up staying at home cause of the "heavy rain". If I go money and car,will this happen ? No. Go buy clothes yesterday but also ended up staying at home cause not enough time. If I got money and car,will this happen ? No.

Yesterday, she told me one of her "primary school" friend wants to meet her as he is enlisting for ns. She asked me whether can she go. I reply her saying," if she want to go then go lor, I wont stop her de". But after that I'm thinking, I plan with her go out so many times she don't want go. Now he ask and she go. What she take me as? But nevertheless, I told myself. If her heart is not with you anymore, no matter how hard you try to keep her with you, she will still not love you. Let's see if she goes out with him when the time comes.

I tried very hard to save the relationship. But in the end, it's her decision whether she want to stay with me a not. I will be happy for her if she found her own happiness with another guy.

I think everything she does is for her family and herself. She may look lian but she's a typical mommy's girl.

The feeling comes back again

I've been having that feeling quite regularly now.I don't know why I just can't help it.Mayb its the signal of coming to an end. Thank for the happy memories for the past few months. I just don't understand why when as a friend I can go into her house and spend almost half a day there and as her so-called"bf",the nearest I went near is only her doorstep.

I feel that her mom is trying t matchmake her and her "ex colleague" whom she feel can give her a better life and treat her better than me otherwise she will not keep asking whether "he" got contact her every other day. I belief "he" will call her on her hp every other day or her house to chat with her. If he's interested in her, and trying to win her heart, he will do that.

Sometimes my 6th sense is quite accurate.I keep having a feeling that she talks to guys and smses with guys and tells me she does'nt do that. Maybe she hides everything from me in order not to make me unhappy. But I will be more angry if I find out myself. So better don't let me catch her red-handed if not I don't know what I will do.

I feel that I know her pattern too well.I think it's a bad thing. Sometimes I feel I'm more a companion then a bf. Should I should act "gong" and just close both of my eyes and let everything past. Let her do what she wants and if she decides to end it then end it.

The way she talk to her friend on the phone brings more smile on her face then when speaking to me spells it all.

Why am I like that ? Is there something wrong with me or this relationship? Is it better to end it or remain like this and suffer ?

Lastly,I only got 1 final sad thing to say..... if at any point of time u think we can't be together anymore or there's no future, pls don't drag any longer.

Gonna 6 mths le

It will be our 6th month together this coming friday. We planned to catch a movie on that day, hope the plan will not be disrupted again. Our relationship has been hot and cold nowadays. Things have slowed down as compared to where we first started.Maybe I should take it easy in everything. I know my Baby loves me a lot, just that her way of expressing is not what I expected. But nevertheless, she is still my Baby and will always be. I love you Baby!!! Decided to post something special and meaningful.( Is how I feel,baby)

难过 是因为闷了很久
是因为想了太多
是心理起了作用
Baby想对你说声对不起
用错了方式去爱你
因为我太在意
我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人
我发现你和我的距离开始越来越远
感觉不到 你还在身边
我只能活在期盼 回到过去的世界
坚持到最后一夜这一切消失之前
我会对自己说
我要永远 永远在你左手边
TO BE A BETTER MAN !!!

Day of mixed feelings

I accompanied Baby to work as usual. Everything was fine until the late evening. :)

I saw a lady with a pink big framed specs queuing up at MOS burger. I thought to myself,"wa lao, so big confirm ugly de." I turned and told Baby about this. My baby laughed at first but then after she took another look at the lady, she told me,"Neh,she is Dawn Yeoh la." I was stunned and I went further up to take a better view of her face. Indeed she was Dawn Yeoh. I was like OMG ! What shocking turnout it was ! If I never noticed her pink specs,then we won't see her.

After that she and her mom dined at MOS burger and everyone was taking glances at her. (Mayb it's their first time seeing her in real). After that I went to get our dinner. When I came back, I tried to peep to see if she's still at MOS burger but she's not there. I turned towards my Baby's pushcart and I saw Dawn and her mom standing in front of her pushcart enquiring about the nail polishes with Baby.

After that,we ate our dinner and I don't know why my mood suddenly changed. It seriously affected our mood as well and I went to sit at the pushcart,leaving Baby alone at MOS burger.
(Thats how our big quarrel started) I was tired and I decided to take a nap. After I woke up, I turned sideways and faced MOS burger to see people queuing up for their food. Suddenly,the pink big framed specs walked past and looked down on me. I was stunned but I smiled at her and she smiled back. She look so tall and slim in real.

Coming back to the quarrel, I really don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I keep quarrelling with her. I seriously do not know why. Can someone find me the antidote or at least, tell me the reason?

Taking each other for granted

It's been a long time since I last blogged. But I'm really feeling very low now as I put up this post. We've been quarrelling lately. Is it really my fault ? Is it due to my far thinking? Maybe I should not think so much (is it= don't care?) Will it improve the relationship?

Some examples of far thinking bingo :

Baby: Shall we meet earlier today ?
Ans : Need to go home early

(With friends around)
Baby: kk, msg you later
Ans: I go talk to my friends first,free then msg u

Yesterday she suggested coming over to my place on Saturday instead of going to the dinner. Today,she says her mom wants her to rest at home instead of going out.
Tomorrow ?? Maybe going to meet her mom after work ba (can try betting on it)

Maybe to her, if today not meeting then tomorrow lor. If tomorrow not meeting then some other day lo. I don't know how she will feel when she see this. I just know we are really on a thin ice. One wrong move and we are going down.

Or...is she waiting for me to say it out ??